my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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