Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
