Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
