I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
