I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
