Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
