Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
