I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
