Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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