That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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