I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
