let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
