my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
