So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
