Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
