I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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