its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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