I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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