we have pet lesbian snakes
"it" just moved
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Blood and glitter go together right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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