At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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