That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
