worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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