I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
