I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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