awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
