I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
