it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
