I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
