I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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