I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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