So drunk its hurt
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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