Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
