i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
