im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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