i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
