Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
