shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
