so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i have two assholes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
