no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
