Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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