not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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