pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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