My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
