the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
