I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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