zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
