why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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