doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
