Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
