Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
